Hope and BPD

Hope can be a fragile thing.
It is something we hold on to it is something we sometimes loose, it is something we feel in need of or lacking in. It can be fleeting, it can be steadfast. It always sought and sometimes it is difficult to find. Hope can be held for ourselves and we can hold it for others. Hope is dynamic. It motivates and drives, it carries and sustains.   

What happens when hope is lost?
What happens when hope has been absent. Without hope life feels dark and helpless. A life devoid of hope is crushing and pressing is tormenting and brings with it great suffering. We all at times have felt hopeless, and its not a pleasant place to inhabit.  

I have suffered with chronic depression for over 15 years. Depressions main symptom is a life of grey, a life of little or no hope. During this time my husband and other family members have had to hold hope for me, in those times hope felt like a luxury that was not available to me. Without hope, recovery from mental illness is impossible. If I don't believe that hope can return, why am I struggling with life?

November 22nd 2011 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I was diagnosed during a time of utter hopelessness. I have sat in the therapists chair for literally hundreds of hours since I was 16 years old. I have had Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Art therapy, Group Therapy, seen Psychologists and Psychiatrists. I have spent time at a Day Hospital and have had years of private therapy when the NHS ran out of ideas.
I was in a very precarious position. I no longer had hope that my mental health could ever get better. After suffering for so many years hope had long ago dwindled to almost nothing.

The diagnosis of BPD for some is devastating. It is a life long condition that is difficult to treat. Suicide rates for those with BPD are significantly higher then the general population. It brings with it a vast number of issues usually around impulsivity, dangerous behaviours and poor relationships. It is a condition with huge stigma that is often misunderstood.
When I received my diagnosis however, I felt relief.
I finally knew what was wrong with me. I finally understood and had a name for the emotional agony and mental anguish that I had suffered for so long. You see, for all this time I felt like I just wasn't trying hard enough. I had completed all these different treatments and nothing made any significant difference. My Doctor had long ago given up on medications being of any help and I was frustrated and confused. This diagnosis also brought with it a new avenue of treatment options, one of them being Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).

Finally there is hope again. DBT has been proven to make a lasting difference in the lives of BPD sufferers. I am about to embark on my DBT journey. I have been given hope again that life can be different.

Join me on the journey of recovery, the journey of rediscovering hope.